Development methodologies

• Sweep it under the carpet-driven development - never investigate any root cause, just throw code at the screen until the problem appears to go away
• Plate spinning-driven development - we don’t have time to write automated tests, instead n developers must perform an increasing amount of incomplete manual testing forever
• Fear-driven development - tests would expose bugs so don't write any, deployment to prod would expose bugs so let's not do that, and so on
• Pearl clutching-driven development - any hint of creativity must be extinguished
• Gotcha-driven development - instead of publishing guidance to empower teams to avoid problems, send the results of scans straight to the top of their backlog without context
• Emoji-driven development - replace logging critical to investigating incidents with pretty logging, or no logging at all
• kim jong un-driven development - so much critical info only exists in the engineering manager’s head you have to frantically jot it down when they’re speaking
• Playing the security card - get a team to drop everything to fix a nebulous security issue, never explain the impact of leaving things as they are
• Aspect-oriented programming - an admission that the code is unmaintainable, and commitment to keeping it that way