Development methodologies

• Sweep it under the carpet-driven development - never investigate any root cause, just throw code at the screen until the problem appears to go away
• Plate spinning-driven development - we don’t have time to write automated tests, instead n developers must perform an increasing amount of incomplete manual testing forever
• Fear-driven development - tests would expose bugs so don't write any, a cool new lib would break things as we don't have enough tests so ban that, a cool new lib would confuse our developers because we treat them as a liability instead of investing in people, deployment to prod would expose bugs so let's not do that, and so on
• Pearl clutching-driven development - any hint of creativity must be extinguished
  • Umm-ahh driven development - pile on innovation done out in the open
  • also see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Pearl-clutching
• Gotcha-driven development - instead of publishing guidance to empower teams to avoid problems, send the results of scans straight to the top of their backlog without context
• Emoji-driven development - replace logging critical to investigating incidents with pretty logging, or no logging at all
• kim jong un-driven development - so much critical info only exists in the engineering manager’s head you have to frantically jot it down when they’re speaking, and don't dare log off until they've stopped
• Playing the security card - get a team to drop everything to fix a nebulous security issue, never explain the impact of leaving things as they are
• Aspect-oriented programming - an admission that the code is unmaintainable, and commitment to keeping it that way
• Reddit-driven development - how dare you question the hive mind's golden opinion
  • must not show weakness by being wrong in public
  • actually perfect is not the enemy of good
  • ignore concerns due to them not being raised in an obsequious enough way
  • can't/won't see past own universally applicable experience
• Wishful thinking-driven development - this code i've thrown at the screen will stick, or not idc
• Maturity model-driven development - forget progress, rules are now the deliverable
• Self-fulfilling prophecy-driven development - apply agile in the most cursory box-ticking way so it's only ever seen as a pain point
• Milkshake duck-driven development - bad developers exist and supporting them would harm my fragile image, so treat all developers as a liability

Tech guardrails

• normalise treating developers as a liability